Because we can´t lose another angel.
I was late. A reminder to just do it before it´s too late. If we are able to heal WE MUST. Now. It´s our responsibility. Not to only heal ourselves but others, too. The collective. I share this very personal story with you, as I was building this site for now 4 months and didn´t dare to put it out there. In the meantime something happened. Something which was hard for me to forgive myself for. I hope this will give support and help and healing to many others though. October 25th 2022. A dear friend decided to end her life. She was an Angel. She was a spiritual leader. She was a happy, bright, pure soul. An awakened one. Then she was going through her dark night of the soul. She didn’t know what was happening. She was ashamed of this, she thought something was wrong with her, she felt guilty of not being happy and zen as a spiritual coach, an awakened soul anymore. Being the role model, figured it out, awakened. We were talking a lot about this. I said to her we have to talk about this in public, to not be ashamed of it, to break the ice, as many spiritual coaches also go through this, being still human with emotions. Even more intense after having found / created paradise, heaven on earth. So lightful, so happy, so bright. And then? Darkness. Nothing makes sense anymore. Yes - “Happy Spiritual Coaches” can also be sad. And we can also get sick. And depressed, with suicidal thoughts - on another level. A maybe even more deep level, so complex, most therapists can’t deal with. I was going through the same. Questions about god, universe, life, death, why. We need special deep healing. Step 1: talking about it. Sharing it. With like minded souls.To know: we are not alone in this. She liked that idea, she said I was right, we have to do this work, maybe this is our mission - but in the end the guilt, the shame were too massive - she still thought it was only her - and her "fault". And me as a single person couldn´t make it. A community is needed. We can only heal together.
I was working on this since July. Building a channel to give support and help with a like minded community. On November 1st I launch this platform to make exactly this topic public. To save lives. I wanted to surprise her with this. I wanted to gift her the first membership. 1.11.22…
She was faster than me. I am 5 days late. She took her decision. For this lifetime. She´ll be back.
Her life topic was freedom. Now she is free. And a real angel. I wanted to convince her that it´s possible to free herself while staying here, dying while staying alive. She was ashamed. She felt guilty, ashamed after having figured out real conscious happiness after her spiritual awakening - and then feeling so bad. Guilt, Shame - this is what comes with toxic positivity in spiritualy. The pressure our society puts onto this wellbeing hype. Without giving real support we need. It´s about time to face the truth and talk about this.
I will continue my work. Doing this also for her. Even though I was late this time. I hope to make it better the next time for many other souls. She said she’ll support me from the other side in this work. I miss you. Even though you are here. I know. And you dance and laugh. I can hear you. In light. In freedom. Doing it for her.
Be aware. Take care of your beloved ones. Check in with them. Talk openly about depression and your dark thoughts, nothing to be ashamed of - no matter who you are. Share your darkest thoughts - you are not alone with this. Also as a role model, also as a happy, bright soul working as a life coach, spiritual leader - we all face darkness. And that´s okay. And that´s exactly how we can help others. We all are one and we can only heal together and when facing the truth openly.